The Scares

Happy Halloween! Yesterday’s topic chat on The SafeworD/s Club was about “Fear and Excitement”, and we talked about the most “scary exciting” things we’d experienced in a scene. I thought it was interesting to see that the general consensus among the subs was “something my Dom threatened to do to me on purpose” while the other Dom and I settled on “something accidental that I actually did to my sub”. It seemed sweet and appropriate, respectively, that our subs were thrilled by events transpiring within their consent while HisLordship and I were scared by moments when things slipped out of our control.

Afterwards I had a good long think about the role of fear-based thrillseeking in relationships. I think a lot of us like the occasional startle or surprise and the way it makes us feel alive. Some couples dive right into this specifically as a kink, called “mindfuck”, where you terrorize your sub into thinking something horrible is actually happening to them that isn’t. One example of this might be blindfolding your sub, pulling her hair back, and then cutting up a wig near her ear and letting the hair fall into their lap. Another might be showing a sharp knife to your sub and then, outside of her vision, swapping it out for a butterknife before pressing it to her throat.

I think it takes a special kind of psyche to enjoy feeling like your play partner has completely violated your hard limits or is genuinely risking your safety. I can get my head around the appeal of feeling utterly helpless, but it just seems like all of the thrill of a mindfuck comes not from the risk itself, but from convincing my sub that I am willing to commit that risk. That’s outside my box. If it’s inside your box, that’s cool. I’m not judging. (In fact, I’d love to hear about it.)

So Beth and I don’t like thrillseeking inside our D/s, but what about other areas of our relationship? We both grew up loving amusement park rides, the more terrifying the better. We like a good Halloween scare. And we absolutely love watching scary movies together.

I was a horror movie junkie. I grew up on the 80’s slasher classics: Freddy and Jason and Chucky and Michael Myers. Two years ago I found out she had never even seen an 80’s slasher film, so I marched my little subbie into the living room, plopped her down on the couch, and proceeded to scare the daylights out of her with an October-long marathon of scary movies.

Or at least that was the plan. Instead of being afraid of Freddy Kruger, she swooned over Johnny Depp. She didn’t laugh at Evil Dead or Evil Dead 2, but instead found them “oddly satisfying”. Her take on the 5th installment of Friday The 13th was, and I quote, “How many more of these are there?” (Answer: 6) But with the duds came the winners. The Grudge and The Ring had her clinging to my arm like in the old days. The original Halloween was a home run, even if the sequels were not. Army of Darkness got some genuine belly laughs. And Scream scared the holy living shit out of both of us just her, totally just her and not me, do you need anything from behind the couch while I’m back here.

A Halloween tradition was born.

Last year we cried with laughter through Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. The entire Final Destination series delivered the perfect scare-to-thrill ratio. We enjoyed the entire Rec series in Spanish, and then liked Quarantine, the shot-for-shot English remake. Over two nights I got to watch her go through 20 years of terror, thrills, dismay, and disappointment, in that order, as she watched Alien, Aliens, Alien3 and Alien IV: Resurrection.

We watched the awful ones, like Leprechaun and Hellraiser. We watched the godawful ones, like the sequels to Leprechaun and the sequels to Hellraiser. We watched the so-bad-its-good ones, like Zombeavers and Big Ass Spider. We watched the so-bad-its-just-bad ones like The Cube and Troll. And we continued to find hidden gems like The Descent and The Cabin In The Woods, as well as cultworthy goodness like Tremors and Zombieland.

I think I may have gotten off onto a bit of a tangent here… the point is we really, really, really like watching scary movies, and it’s only in thinking about fear and thrillseeking that I realize that we don’t like watching them alone. I think we like doing the date-night activity as much if not more than actually seeing the show.

Last thought, a friendly note of warning if you’re going to watch any of these shows: it takes a pretty bad movie to make me wish I hadn’t watched it. Zombeavers, for instance, is unrelentingly awful from start to finish. But in the opening credits the special effects are obviously beaver hand puppets. The movie makes you a promise right up front, “this is going to be spectacularly awful”, and it absolutely delivers. That made all of its sins forgivable. The plot had the right amount of holes, the sets were cheap, and just enough loose ends got tied up for a satisfactory ending. Take or ignore my advice–but at your own peril either way. 🙂

Happy Halloween!

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