Sick and Tired (And Horny)

I’m getting pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired. It really swings our dynamic way out to the side. It doesn’t throw it off, it just puts us on a weird schedule and changes the demands and tradeoffs of the power dynamic. We’ve embraced it; one of the meanings of the word dynamic is “characterized by constant change”, after all. A lot of folks seem to make their relationships work by fixating their dynamic so that it is steady and unchanging, and while I accept and even appreciate you weirdos (you know who you are), I can’t honestly say I understand.

I do sometimes envy couples with fairly rigid schedules, mind you. Another meaning of the word dynamic is “a force that stimulates change or progress”, so at a logical level at least, I can say I understand the concept of a “fixed dynamic”, but deeper than that… yeah. No idea what that feels like. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

For Beth and I, however, it’s a “dynamic dynamic” all the way down.

Here’s the thing about being sick, or I should say, about me being sick, because this seems like a big one of those “Your Mileage May Vary” type things. Here’s the thing: I get horny.

I don’t mean horny like I can’t keep my hands off my wife–although this is true. 😉 I mean it more in the sense of “this might be a medical concern.” Morning sex and nightly blowjobs to get to sleep are normal for us when we’re healthy; take those and add in nooners, mid-day gropes, and even a couple of sex romps that started with those magic words: “Hey Honey, I know it’s 3AM, but are you awake?”

Sounds grand, doesn’t it?

Well, add in a fever and exhaustion from a viral infection, and THEN remember that having sex 4 and 5 times a day in my forties means I’m not exactly popping off after three pumps and a grunt. I have stamina like a horse. A Clydesdale. A Clydesdale who has had so much sex he’s lost most of the sensation in his cock. We’ve gone from our healthy normal of having sex 1 to 3 times a day to having sex for 2 or 3 hours a day. We jokingly call it “Rubber Dong Syndrome”. Beth literally started sneaking Tylenol on the side because her jaw and hips were starting to ache.

Let me pause on that last note, since taking care of the sub is the most important job of both partners in a D/s relationship: I feel like I have the best sub in the world. I’m the luckiest man alive. I won the wife lottery. If anybody tells you I don’t appreciate my wife enough, you look them right in the eye and you tell them I said that this is absolutely a mathematical certainty. I could, can, and will, spend the rest of my life worshiping this submissive goddess and it will never be enough.

Also, we found a sex strap that ties her ankles together behind my back and lets her relax her hips and that’s helped tremendously.

While we’re circling back, let’s talk about the medical concern part: gentlemen, if you experience an erection that lasts for longer than 4 four hours, you really do need to call your doctor immediately, and it’s no joke. See, your dick stands up when it fills up with blood. While that blood is trapped in there, it’s not circulating, and that means it’s not getting fresh oxygen. The oxygen in that blood is what keeps the penile nerves alive. The penile nerves are what let you have an erection ever again for the rest of your life. My doctor’s exact words, pun very much intended, were “It’s the penis’ last stand”. The reason I know he said this is that yes, when I said “an issue of medical concern” it’s because I did actually go ask my doctor about this. Turns out I’m okay; my little gentleman is up and down nonstop all day and that’s just fine, at least medically. It’s when your downstairs tenant is “all up and no down” that you have to watch out. My doctor further assured me that I would know something was really wrong if I had an extended erection, because apparently having your dick turn black and die of anoxia is tremendously agonizing.

Anyway! All this cheery penile death talk is putting me in the mood for literally anything else. Let’s move on, shall we?

So the point of all this lascivious talk bordering on bragging about how much sex I’m getting right now (my doctor’s actual words were “You’re having how much sex? Wow… did you just feel that? That was all the sympathy leaving the room”) is that it’s actually a wide shift in behavior that our D/s dynamic has had to learn to accommodate. Early on we sort of took me being sick and tired and horny as a random deviation from the plan, and we let everything else slide. Nowadays we’ve rearranged the plan so that it includes these deviations, and we try to stay on top of the things that would otherwise slide.

I said earlier that I envy people with more regular schedules, and it’s true. Sometimes life feels like more exceptions than rules. I’ll have a great week and the next there’s a crisis. The week after that I’ll have a spell of low mood to struggle through. Then I’ll have a great week. Then I’m away for a week on business. And then, like this week, I get back from a week away and instead of taking a long relaxing vacation to recharge, it’s sex bunny fever, where the sex is exhausting and the fever is literal. At some point it stops being giggles and fun and sex and starts being just sex.

Trying to keep our dynamic right-side-up in these times is the challenge. But that’s the entire dance of D/s, isn’t it? Trying to walk that line between order and chaos, trying to create order even as life thrusts more chaos upon us. Five years ago this kind of week would have made us fall off the wagon. But that was five years ago. Now this week is just a trickier place we have to drive our wagon. We don’t fall off, we push through. We don’t throw up our hands and give up and hope we can get back on the wagon next week.

So we plan more. Not that we plan to get more done, but we make more detailed plans about smaller details. We check in more often. We decide what things are important and have to get done. Rather than worry about what things we’re going to let slide, we focus on what things we can keep under control.

When we’re driving the wagon through “sick, tired, and horny” country, we’re starting to learn a rhythm to negotiate the landscape. We talk about our day while we’re still in bed. Beth makes sure I get enough rest in between marathon sessions of not getting much rest at all. I check in with her to make sure she’s feeling adored and appreciated and not like a chewed-up sex doll. We pare back our protocol to the bare minimum of her daily collar-changing ritual. Through it all, we work at keeping our spirits up.

It’s different for depression or business trips or other crises. They have their own rhythms and rituals. Some of them we’re still learning. But this one we’ve mostly got figured out.

How about you? Do you have fixed rhythms that stay stable when things get crazy? Do you have to make adjustments to tighten those rhythms down to keep them in place? Or do you float and adjust like we do? What do you do to compensate for the rough weather life throws at you?

2 thoughts on “Sick and Tired (And Horny)

  1. First, I have to say wow. While marathon sex sessions sound great in theory, I am sure you both feel exhausted!

    Second, I kinda feel jealous of those with strict schedules and such too, but I don’t think they’re feasible for every couple. HD and I certainly aren’t that way, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a bit more structure. HD has admitted that he is a lazy Dom, so he doesn’t keep up with protocols and rules as much as he should. In a way it’s great…I get away with a lot more!–but it also makes things a bit unstable. Flexibility is nice, but so is structure. The key (for me) is balance. As long as the two of you know how to make it work for you, that’s what’s important. 🙂

    When we’re overwhelmed with life, HD and I don’t really have anything in place to keep us on track. D/s tends to fall to the wayside until things calm down again, and doesn’t become a focus again until I have made some sort of complaint. I think it’s in our nature to double-down on our relationship foundations until things return to normalcy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amen!

      HD reminds me of myself! With my ADHD it’s hard to stay on top of the protocols but that’s one job the Dom can’t delegate. We go through similar trouble when the D/s starts to make me feel like a micromanager.

      Flexibility and structure, and finding a balance– Very well said, thank you!

      Like

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