When did you know you were a Dominant or a submissive? And how did you come to realize it?
I was raised on a toxic pablum of emasculation in the name of enlightenment and feminism. My parents brought me up in—and no doubt thought to save me from—a backwards culture where manliness and dominance directly equated to physical violence and mindless savagery. I was taught to hold this in contempt and avoid it in all its shades and flavors. As a result I did not see myself as a naturally dominant young man… but in hindsight the tendencies were there, always seeking alternate means of expression. I retreated into weirdness. I devoured knowledge. I learned to wield the sword and shield of comedy. In short, I became the weird kid who always had a smartass comment or an uncomfortable question at the ready. I became a loner and an introvert, preferring my own company rather than surrendering with good grace to the submissive standing my parents desired. Forbidden to find my natural place in the social order, I declined to take an unnatural one. Instead I chose to distance myself from the natural order entirely. In hindsight, I now realize that being the weird loner kid wasn’t weird at all; in fact, it was literally the only natural choice I had left.
I’m not really sure when I knew I was a Dominant. To be honest I’m not really sure I know it yet. Some Dominants are born just knowing; this wasn’t me. Others come into their dominance much later, by way of study and practice. I thought this was me… but my high-level intellectual splashings betray much deeper waters. These currents flow through dark channels cut through the bedrock of my soul, and have the imperturbable stillness of eternity about them. It’s been a steady progression of quietly becoming aware of having always known things. Embracing dominance for me is a continuous process of discovering the air I’m already breathing.
I’m not sure how it is for submissives. Beth says it was when we first read Fifty Shades of Grey and she realized that she wanted me to do all these kinky things we were reading about to her. And she didn’t just love the kink, but also the protection and control and care. I’ve read several accounts recently from submissives who had recurring fantasies about rape or enslavement, and felt troubled by how troubled these fantasies didn’t make them feel. They would learn about sexual submission and feel waves of relief as it suddenly all made sense. I also know a handful of submissives who are naturally very dominant but find themselves in a relationship where they want to give that dominance up to their partner. They find they enjoy it immensely, but by and large they retain their own dominance in other areas of their lives.
Switches… switches interest me. “How did you first learn you couldn’t make up your mind?” Heh. I tease, of course. When did you first learn you wanted to have it both ways?
As for me knowing when I was a Dominant… I don’t know. I’ll tell you when it happens, I guess. I realize that I’m well past the point where I ought to be 100% certain. I’m over many of the early speedbumps in discovering dominance. I can relax into dominance and draw strength from it when things get rough, rather than needing energy to sustain it and being forced to set it aside when life gets difficult. So I guess I really should know by now. But… the deeper I get the more I realize there is no bottom to reach. I don’t want to lose that sense of wonder. I’m surrounded by “air”, and it’s just… have you heard about this? This air stuff? It’s amazing. You should try it. It’s neat.
So when did you know?