This is part 5 of a series. First post here.
So we know that the question “How do I control my Dominant” is logically flawed, but does that mean there’s nothing you can do to help your relationship or influence their behavior? Of course not. But before we get to answers, we are going to need some questions that don’t carry the seeds of their own doom within them. I just pointed out two right there:
1. What can I do to help my relationship?
2. What can I do to influence my Dominant partner’s behavior?
Let’s be careful around that second question, you can’t take the same “how do I control them” bad idea and just dress it up in different words and have it stop being a bad idea. But if we’re careful with it, I think we can actually come up with some good answers that don’t veer off into dominating, controlling, or expectation-setting behaviors.
Actually, the first question is also kind of dangerous. “Help” is just a nicer word for “fix”. Let’s see if we can’t unpack both of these questions a little bit.
“What can I do to help my relationship.” Okay, for starters, is your relationship really all that broken? I mean, you’re unhappy, sure. But if you were in the exact same relationship and were happy, would you still have nearly as much of a problem? So can you do anything to become happier where you are at right now?
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Yes, MisterMan, starting a heroin habit would make me feel deliriously happy, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit to a lifelong substance abuse problem.” Well good news: I knew you weren’t ready. You wouldn’t be reading my blog if you were. I don’t know much about drugs but I’m pretty sure that when you’re ready to start cooking smack in a spoon, you don’t need my blog to tell you what to do with your life. You know, I wasn’t really sure where I wanted to go with this paragraph when I started writing it but I’m looking back and I honestly don’t think it shows.
Anyway where was I. Happiness! Right. Happiness. Seriously, kids, don’t do drugs.
So my point is if things get better in your relationship, that’s great. But whether they do or they don’t, would finding ways to be happier we worth looking into? I’m hoping you’re nodding your head yes. So let’s put that question on the wall instead:
1. How can I be happier in my relationship?
I wrote another 600 words about this but I just realized this question is worth stopping on. It’s like the Mu question. Give it a moment in your head and roll it around. What do you think?