This is part 4 of a series of posts exploring the question “How Do I Control My Dominant”. (First post here). We’ve been talking about the kind of background the question “How Do I Control My Dom” comes from, and today I want to talk about how and why impatience tends to creep into the question.
In medical terms there’s this notion of “copresenting symptoms”. I’m not a doctor so forgive me if I get this definition wrong, but I’m going to use copresenting to mean “presenting different things for different reasons, but at the same time, and the two things may interact”. For example if you have a chest cold and asthma, you may have one condition that makes you need to cough and another condition that makes it hard to do so.
In terms of the question “How Do I Control My Dom”, this question often presents early in a D/s relationship, and another thing that copresents at that time is “sub frenzy”. I’m guessing everybody here knows what that is but for the sake of completeness we’ll just say “the new submissive is excited and a little obsessed with their newfound submissiveness”. So we have a sub who has found a few things they can fix, a relationship with a few problems that aren’t getting fixed, some hyperawareness of those problems, and then you add in a profoundly heightened intensity and focus.
The result is Impatience, not just with a capital I but written in 50-foot tall letters of fire.
Some of the problems in a relationship can be fixed by examination and improvement, but not immediately. They take time, and time is something that simply doesn’t exist for a deliciously obsessed submissive. The only time that exists for them is the Great Eternal Now, and things that can’t be fixed right now are things that simply cannot be fixed and therefore they are broken and therefore what is wrong with my relationship and therefore what is wrong with my Dom and therefore—and by this time you can see this question filling the world, hear it thundering from the skies—How Do I Control My F***ing Dominant Tell Me Now Now Now NOW NOW.
Some things just take time. You can plant a seed, and you can water it, and even if you give it all night to grow as hard as it can, it won’t be a tree. It won’t even have peeked a shoot up out of the ground yet. The seed may have sprouted, but digging it up to check on it isn’t going to turn it into a tree. If anything, it will harm the sprouting seed and damage the very thing you’re trying to nurture.
So this is another piece of the background of the question and where it comes from. The why behind the question of how. There is real need here. For the sub to ask how to control their Dom, the world feels like it’s caving in around them. This is what I meant on Monday when I said the question is logically flawed but it is still very valid.
It would be cruel of me to go through all this talk about needing things now and then say we’ve got three more days of dallying about with the question, so fine, you win. Let’s start talking about the answer.
Tomorrow, I mean. 😉