How To Train Your Dom 4: Impatience

This is part 4 of a series of posts exploring the question “How Do I Control My Dominant”. (First post here). We’ve been talking about the kind of background the question “How Do I Control My Dom” comes from, and today I want to talk about how and why impatience tends to creep into the question.

In medical terms there’s this notion of “copresenting symptoms”. I’m not a doctor so forgive me if I get this definition wrong, but I’m going to use copresenting to mean “presenting different things for different reasons, but at the same time, and the two things may interact”. For example if you have a chest cold and asthma, you may have one condition that makes you need to cough and another condition that makes it hard to do so.

In terms of the question “How Do I Control My Dom”, this question often presents early in a D/s relationship, and another thing that copresents at that time is “sub frenzy”. I’m guessing everybody here knows what that is but for the sake of completeness we’ll just say “the new submissive is excited and a little obsessed with their newfound submissiveness”. So we have a sub who has found a few things they can fix, a relationship with a few problems that aren’t getting fixed, some hyperawareness of those problems, and then you add in a profoundly heightened intensity and focus.

The result is Impatience, not just with a capital I but written in 50-foot tall letters of fire.

Some of the problems in a relationship can be fixed by examination and improvement, but not immediately. They take time, and time is something that simply doesn’t exist for a deliciously obsessed submissive. The only time that exists for them is the Great Eternal Now, and things that can’t be fixed right now are things that simply cannot be fixed and therefore they are broken and therefore what is wrong with my relationship and therefore what is wrong with my Dom and therefore—and by this time you can see this question filling the world, hear it thundering from the skies—How Do I Control My F***ing Dominant Tell Me Now Now Now NOW NOW.

Some things just take time. You can plant a seed, and you can water it, and even if you give it all night to grow as hard as it can, it won’t be a tree. It won’t even have peeked a shoot up out of the ground yet. The seed may have sprouted, but digging it up to check on it isn’t going to turn it into a tree. If anything, it will harm the sprouting seed and damage the very thing you’re trying to nurture.

So this is another piece of the background of the question and where it comes from. The why behind the question of how. There is real need here. For the sub to ask how to control their Dom, the world feels like it’s caving in around them. This is what I meant on Monday when I said the question is logically flawed but it is still very valid.

It would be cruel of me to go through all this talk about needing things now and then say we’ve got three more days of dallying about with the question, so fine, you win. Let’s start talking about the answer.

Tomorrow, I mean. 😉

11 thoughts on “How To Train Your Dom 4: Impatience

  1. Omg how did u get in my head?? Lol
    I know in the original chat someone (you?) implied I was in subfrenzy and therefore impatient and I resolutely said “nope”, declaring my subfrenzy had ended seemingly in a blaze of frustration. I thought about it afterward and realized what a fool I was. Of course I’m still in subfrenzy! As someone else commented after my denial (you again?) that my impatience was a sign that was in fact still in subfrenzy. See I had come to believe subfrenzy was only about the good stuff, the rush of endorphins, the constant sexual arousal and need for him to take me now, anyway and anyhow he wanted. But as with everything there are good things and not so good things about subfrenzy and you touch on that here -the impatience and the frustration. People need to talk more about that being part of subfrenzy. So thank you for bringing this to light.

    Ok NOW on to part 5! Yay!

    Liked by 1 person

    • My pleasure, and thank you for commenting!

      Frenzy is neither good nor bad… or rather it is neither JUST one or the other. It is BOTH good and bad at the same time. It can make you worship and then make you loathe. It can make you submit completely and then defy unrelentingly. It can make you feel lust one moment and outrage the next. On a really good day it can make you feel them all at the same time, crying and loving and hating and cumming all at once.

      What a whirlwind. What a rush!

      Liked by 1 person

      • A bit, maybe… 😉 (OMG YES. 😀 😛 )

        It helped that right about the time we were coming out of it, a fresh group of new subs joined the forum we were on and I got to watch what we just went through play out in realtime again. And then again. And then again. I think we get a year or three into D/s and forget that we were like this when we started.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Just a few years, not nearly as long as a lot of the wiser heads out there. We started in late 2013/early 2014. We eased into it so we’re not really sure when our “Dsiversary” is, but we’re somewhere past the 3-year mark and shy of the 4.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah the subject of impatience…when it comes to things that greatly interest the Kit, Kit will go into this extreme focused mode. It does not have to be BDSM it can be anything from DIY projects to photography. Of course, wanting to share her excitement, Kit would drag Master into her frenzy as well. Master on the other hand is exactly the opposite of the Kit. He is slow and methodical, which at times can drive Kit crazy. Haha. So yeah Kit is working on being patient. Definitely a good trait to have.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beth and I are reversed in that respect; I’m the one who decides that “X is now The Project”. The Project is whatever I’m currently obsessed about; can be anything from leatherworking to D/s to meditation to whatever. Good times!


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