TL;DR: The new plan for the finances is I check them on the 1st of each month. Beth has to have reconciled all the paperwork that’s arrived by the 15th of the previous month. For the next two months, she will do three months each catching everything up by September 1st. (See? Told you I’d write this.)
In When Sir Is Right And STILL Gets It Wrong (Part 2) I said, “I restructured the plan, but honestly this part is boring, it’s just admin work.” I wrote that in part because the post was getting too long, but also because I genuinely thought that it really was boring admin work and not really blogworthy. I’ve since been asked by a couple of folks what the restructured plan was like and I realize that it might be worth revealing. Not because it’s interesting in itself, but perhaps because it might be interesting how something so boring could be so effective. So, without further ado, here’s—
Oh, who am I kidding. There’s some further ado. Sorry… and/or get used to it. “Further ado” is sort of my thing. I’ll go back and put a TL;DR at the top of this post. (Go read it if you don’t believe me… welcome back, how was it?)
Our dynamic works best in two modes. In the first mode, I pick a direction and set the pace, and Beth tracks and reports our progress. This gives her all the benefits of being carefully managed without me having to actually keep track of all the microdetails. It also protects her from freaking out about trying to achieve everything at once. For example, we diet by me deciding how much weight we’re going to lose by when, but all Beth does is track our weekly weigh-ins. I set rules about diet and exercise, and I make them as strict or as lax as necessary to reach our goal.
In the second mode, I give Beth clear conditions that are to be met at a certain time. For example, Beth hates folding laundry, but I hate getting my clean clothes out of the laundry basket. So every morning I expect there to be a clean pair of underwear and a pair of socks in my dresser. This might seem like a foolishly simple goal, but Beth is dealing with a chronic illness that sometimes lays her out for days. In this mode, Beth can power through all of the laundry if she has the energy, but if she doesn’t, she can fold one pair of underwear for me and get it into my dresser and then be done. This goal is acceptable to me and it’s kept me in clean laundry for a few years now, which is nice.
The daily spanking approach works well for some couples, which is why I thought to try it, but in hindsight it did not work well with either of our best modes. For Beth it was an order to tackle an impossible task, and she was being told she’d be forced to tackle it every day without end and without hope of ever succeeding.
The new rule works well with both of our modes. The new plan for the finances is I check them on the 1st of each month. Beth has to have reconciled all the paperwork that’s arrived by the 15th of the previous month. For the next two months, she will do three months each catching everything up by September 1st. (This will sound familiar to those of you who went back and reread the TL;DR. Pssst—you might be spending too much time in parentheses.)
The big picture, catching up all of the finances, is all in my court. Beth has a monthly goal that is clear and manageable. And the schedule to get from 5 months behind to fully caught up is sliced up by me and parceled out to her at a rate she can handle, but doesn’t have to manage.
Other couples have had luck with the daily spankings thing; I guess that’s just not our deal. I know of other D/s couples where the Dom loves to micromanage or the sub needs big goals and the independence to pursue them their own way. Most DD blogs I’ve read suggests that controlling the finances must be done by the Head of Household. We’ve tried all of these now, and for us they’re just recipes for failure.
Sometimes it’s hard to get big hairy tasks divvied up so they fit into our dynamic. But it’s worth it, because they won’t get done until we get it right.