I get in her head. Sometimes I forget how far.
That was the first half of me getting it wrong. When I pulled her across my lap, her head went where I’ve conditioned it to always go: this is a punishment, reflect on your sins.
I said in the previous post that we’d talk it out, and later that day I got the opportunity.
We disrobed and entered our sacred Downtime Den as we did every day at precisely 12:15pm, where we lit our Candle of Trust and knelt, touching knees and fingertips. Beth leaned forward so I could cup a breast in each hand. She held up the rolled parchment containing our contract and said, “You are literally making this entire paragraph up.”
Okay, okay, so what really happened is… we just sort of chatted about it across the course of the day. We knew the spanking hadn’t worked the way either of us wanted. Beth knew I wanted her motivated, and I knew she was feeling overwhelmed. It was clear the spanking had left her demoralized, if not outright devastated. Neither of us had a clear idea of how to move forward, but I knew I’d done some damage to her self-esteem somehow. At some point I said “You know that I know that you’re my good girl, right?”
I meant it sincerely, but also sort of off-hand, like one of those tiny “I love you’s” that old people say to each other. I figured she’d nod and say “I know, Daddy.” What I didn’t figure is that she’d burst into tears again. “If I was your good girl,” she said, “I wouldn’t have gotten so far behind on the finances.”
THAT was the second part I had gotten wrong. I hadn’t factored in how guilty she’d already been feeling about letting the finances pile up.
I know I said this isn’t a romance blog, but THIS is the part where I finally got it right: I sat down on the arm of her chair and pulled her to me and held her tight. “I know the finances are behind. I’ve let you let them back up. This is on me, not on you. You are my good girl.” This was our breakthrough moment. We sat for a few more minutes, talking, mostly me soothing her and reassuring her. I told her the daily spankings were canceled and I would think up another way to make it work. She squeezed me tight and thanked me.
I was in the right when I spanked her. I was inside the bounds of my authority. I was even pursuing the original charter of our D/s, which was to help Beth modify her behavior, specifically in regards to chores and housework. And I still got it wrong. So what did we do?
We put it right.
I restructured the plan, but honestly this part is boring, it’s just admin work. The important part is we put it right. If you’re a Dom or a sub who’s worried about getting it wrong, please stop worrying: I absolutely promise you, you are going to get it wrong. This is a good thing! Because that’s when you get to step back, figure out what’s not working, and get it right.