What happens if the Dom punishes the sub unfairly, for the wrong reason? Every couple entering D/s has to confront this early on. Subs need to be wary of entering an abusive relationship. Doms need to be certain that taking control really is the best thing for both of them.
I really struggled with this. What if I got it wrong? Most of the advice I got boiled down to “well, don’t.”
The problem is, I have ADD. My sweet Beth cannot hope for a relationship in which I remain constantly vigilant. We both knew that I would never be able to punish and reward with 100% accuracy. I wrestled with this one for a long time. She had come to me, asking for D/s, and had sweetly offered up her submission to me. I was awed by her trust. I didn’t want to ever risk betraying it.
It took me a long time to realize that we already had the answer: She trusted me completely. I knew if I screwed up I would own it and fix it. What was stopping us from having me own it, fix it, and then just move on?
In theory the answer was “absolutely nothing”; in practice we were just starting our D/s and didn’t have all of our rules formalized yes. We were both ready to do this, but we had not agreed to it. Consent must be explicit, kids.
I called her up to the bedroom, and we had a long chat about it. We laughed when we both realized just how ready we both were for this. So I put it to her in no uncertain terms:
“Here’s what I want from you: if I spank, you submit. Period. Anytime, anywhere, any reason. Or even for no reason. I will do my best to do right by you, but you have to to surrender the ‘getting it right’ part to me. Right here, right now, you’re giving up the right to ever feel like you’re owed an explanation. If I want to spank you, you submit all of yourself to me completely. Heart, mind, and soul. And ass.”
If this were a romance blog I would pause here to describe how her breath quickened, how the flush in her cheeks spread down her neck and bloomed across her cleavage, how her tremulous voice came out in a fervent whisper, “Yes, Master…”
But it’s not; she just nodded and said “okay.”
I spanked her then, naked across my lap, for no other reason than to show both of us that I just could.
After every spanking is over, I hold her while she cries. I tell her how proud of her I am for submitting to me. She thanks me for loving her enough to discipline her. We cuddle, and then we move on. We both help each other make sure it never happens again.
If I mess up… none of this changes.