When Sir Gets It Wrong

What happens if the Dom punishes the sub unfairly, for the wrong reason? Every couple entering D/s has to confront this early on. Subs need to be wary of entering an abusive relationship. Doms need to be certain that taking control really is the best thing for both of them.

I really struggled with this. What if I got it wrong? Most of the advice I got boiled down to “well, don’t.”

The problem is, I have ADD. My sweet Beth cannot hope for a relationship in which I remain constantly vigilant. We both knew that I would never be able to punish and reward with 100% accuracy. I wrestled with this one for a long time. She had come to me, asking for D/s, and had sweetly offered up her submission to me. I was awed by her trust. I didn’t want to ever risk betraying it.

It took me a long time to realize that we already had the answer: She trusted me completely. I knew if I screwed up I would own it and fix it. What was stopping us from having me own it, fix it, and then just move on?

In theory the answer was “absolutely nothing”; in practice we were just starting our D/s and didn’t have all of our rules formalized yes.  We were both ready to do this, but we had not agreed to it. Consent must be explicit, kids.

I called her up to the bedroom, and we had a long chat about it. We laughed when we both realized just how ready we both were for this. So I put it to her in no uncertain terms:

“Here’s what I want from you: if I spank, you submit. Period. Anytime, anywhere, any reason. Or even for no reason. I will do my best to do right by you, but you have to to surrender the ‘getting it right’ part to me. Right here, right now, you’re giving up the right to ever feel like you’re owed an explanation. If I want to spank you, you submit all of yourself to me completely. Heart, mind, and soul. And ass.”

If this were a romance blog I would pause here to describe how her breath quickened, how the flush in her cheeks spread down her neck and bloomed across her cleavage, how her tremulous voice came out in a fervent whisper, “Yes, Master…”

But it’s not; she just nodded and said “okay.”

I spanked her then, naked across my lap, for no other reason than to show both of us that I just could.

After every spanking is over, I hold her while she cries. I tell her how proud of her I am for submitting to me. She thanks me for loving her enough to discipline her. We cuddle, and then we move on. We both help each other make sure it never happens again.

If I mess up… none of this changes.


7 thoughts on “When Sir Gets It Wrong

  1. This is really interesting for me to read as HisLordship and I don’t really have this aspect to our relationship. I am wondering now if that is partly down to the fact that I might not be as accepting as Beth if I thought that the punishment is unfair. This has made me think about my submission in that area which I think will take further consideration. It is always welcome when I get a snapshot into others’ lives and that makes me think about my own so thank you 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad I got to poke your brain in an interesting area. 🙂

      Something caught my eye in your blog recently, and that is that how much you both care about how your actions affect the other person. I love that. Imagine being over his knee and not knowing why, but knowing that he absolutely wants to protect and nurture you. That’s the headspace that I want Beth in whenever she’s across my lap.

      I’d love to hear where your line of thinking takes you, even if you decide that this aspect of your dynamic is fine as it is. I’m glad I got to give you some food for thought. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • That is an interesting thought. I plan to raise this topic for discussion and see where it goes. I think that he may not be comfortable with it in the way that you spoke of so perhaps he needs some reassurance from me and I realise now that I have never given that, or encouraged him. I will be sure to let you know how it progresses.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Just remember that if he’s not comfortable with it, it’s because you are both somehow inadequate and will forever be unable to advance in The One True Way™ of D/s. That or maybe your submission and his dominance are already perfect right where they are and this specific element of power exchange is surplus to your dynamic’s requirements. But honestly what are the odds of that 😀 😉 😀 😉 😀

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I know you are always trying to do your best for me and trying to do what is best for me. I know in the beginning this was uncomfortable territory for you and I really appreciate your willingness to help me. I know you’re not always going to get it right, I certainly don’t, that’s because we are human. I love you with all my heart, and all of me is yours.

    Liked by 1 person

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