I’ve been married to beth2anybody for a couple of decades now. Our dynamic sort of defies proper labeling, and that’s just how we like it; you could say we’re a weird blend of equal parts DD, D/s, DD/lg, and anything else we find interesting this week.
I’m the Dom, the Daddy, the Master, the Sir, and though there’s a fair amount of “what I say, goes”, there’s much more “what I decide, is final”. Beth is constantly on-hand to advise and give input. I have ADHD; she is very focused and organized. I earn the money and decide where to spend it, she’s the one who knows where any of it actually is. She is naturally very submissive; I am naturally very laid back. I have learned to step up and be dominant for her, but I am far less likely to micromanage her than to delegate, decide on a direction, or sort out competing priorities. My wife loves to be submissive, but I also expect her to act independently and think for herself. Some of that might lead you to be surprised that we actually consider ourselves as 24/7 TPE or M/s.
I plan goals and set rules for Beth. I administer punishments when expectations are not met. At her request, these are sometimes physical and severe. She’s not into pain—it’s neither erotic nor cathartic for her—which makes corporal punishment very effective when she wants me to help her break a bad habit or keep up with a good one. I’m not into giving pain, but I can’t deny how happy we both are with the results, so it remains a tool we both find useful.
On the pleasure side, I like to control and dominate, while she likes to surrender and be dominated. As a result, we enjoy pushing her limits simply for the sake of pushing them. There are things that were absolute hard limits five years ago that are now things she’ll beg me to do to her. I can’t deny absolutely loving this arrangement.
We try new things often. We keep what we like, discard what we don’t, and anything in between goes into the toy box for “maybe later”. We’ve tried enough weird stuff to have to be careful not to freak out the new people. We’ve seen enough weird stuff to know we haven’t got anything to brag about—we haven’t even scratched the surface.
We value clear rules for how to do things inside any given dynamic, because that’s a great way to teach and learn a new dynamic and that’s how we find out if it’s going to hold any value for us. But once we’ve got the hang of the rhythm, we’re not too concerned about ticking boxes or following rigidly fixed rituals. We have a good feel for what we like and whether things are working well for us, and that’s all the guidance we need.
We love learning from others and hearing opinions and ideas. We’re much less keen on listening to people who are certain about the right and wrong way to be. Conversely, we don’t really hold strong opinions on what other people should do, since other people mostly want to achieve different things. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I’m full of opinions about your actions, especially how well they might or might not help you achieve your own desired ends… it’s just that I don’t hold much judgment about whether you should or shouldn’t actually want to achieve your own ends. They’re your ends, man; you do you. 🙂
So that’s us in a nutshell, I guess. I hope my perspective on things is something that may interest, inform, or entertain… or at least give you something to argue about. Welcome aboard.